I hope the air will serve to remind you that my eyes are as cold as the clouds of your breath;

I have come to realize that most kids shows have the feeling of being made by someone on drugs.
I knew some of them were weird, but now it's ridiculous.

I recently started watching a show called Yo Gabba Gabba!
What a freak show that is.
Even though I think it is mildly entertaining all the same.

Just some things make me question peoples sanity.

But I ditched the car and left you to wait outside;

On Saturday my mother decided we were going to go up to Pennsylvania again.
This time she wanted to go to this chocolate factory place.
It was fun.

We left at 9 am this time.
Of course I loved the idea instantly because I love road trips.
Of course like any good road trip this story involves getting lost.
We were supposed to go to these shops called the outlets, which mapquest said they were on Gettysburg Village drive.
We passed right by them because that isn't the road they were on.
We did get to see a nice town there though.
Pennsylvania is so much more beautiful then Maryland.

We finally got to the shops.
It was fun, they had this nifty little store called the book warehouse.
When we finally found the chocolate factory and a place to park, we got chocolate.
It was ok but nothing to rave about.
Still it was a fun family time that we never get to many of in my family.

I was your chance to get out of this town;

So, since I haven't had a chance to tell my avid readers what I've been up to lately (avid meaning Megan) I guess I'll start with what I can remember happening after my last couple of blogs.

So I went to work with my dad.
He drives a shoe mobile and goes around to different places and sells safety shoes.
Not the most glamorous thing, I know.
It made me really appreciate what he does.
First we had to get up at like 4 in the morning.
Which is a feat in itself for me since I didn't go to bed until like 1 the following night.
So first we had to drive to the warehouse to get the truck.
We had to load boxes of shoes onto the truck.
I know it doesn't sound that bad, but it isn't that fun.
It's heavy lifting early in the morning when it's all sticky and humid out, so you're basically sweaty by the time you get there.

After that we started driving to our destination.
The parts where we were driving were the best parts of the whole day.
First of all because I love driving around, I don't know why. maybe because my dad used to drive me around when I was little.
Second of all because it was beautiful out.
In the morning the sky was a light pale baby blue with streaks of pinkish red near the sun.
I wish I would have had a camera.
Then we were listening to the radio and the song "Don't Worry Be Happy" came on just as we passed a deer eating in a field, then we passed a lovely little stream.
It was all just perfect.
That's what made me calm for the day ahead.

Once we got there we had to unload all of those boxes.
And then the frenzy began.
People literally swarmed around the truck.
Everyone was asking me for stuff.
You have to remember what style they wanted, what size, you have to know what shoes they can get for subsidy, you have to check their tickets to make sure they get two pairs not one.
Plus a lot of the guys were ogling at me, which was completely and utterly disgusting.
People kept getting pissy with me, but I didn't seem to mind.

Eventually we had help come.
But it was a busy day until the very end.
Of course people wanted to come 5 minutes before we were scheduled to leave so we ended up being late.
It was exhausting, and to think we had to do it all again the next day.

The second day wasn't as bad though.
Not a lot of people came so we had a lot of down time.
I ended making some new friends, granted they were all at least 6 years older then me, a 20 year old named Andrew, we talked, then I talked to the guy selling shoes in the other truck Red-wing whose name was Will, he was nice and he went to Lansdowne so we talked about that and how it's changed, and last but definitely not least was a 34 year old lesbian named Wynn.
We got along perfectly, and we talked a lot.

All in all it was a wonderful experience.
Plus I got paid 100 dollars.
When my dad gave it to me it was all in ones, and I felt like just throwing up in the air (in my room) and making it rain.

Forget about me, it's what I deserve;

Well, I am happy with myself.
My plan to reinvent myself is working quite well.

I still get a little moody sometimes, but what are you going to do when you have a family like mine?
I'm eating right, exercising, so losing ten pounds shouldn't be that far off.
I feel better about myself and about everything.
I think this is truly who I am.
I'm just excited about where this is going.

Kill me with words;

Grrr.
I absolutely HATE not having Internet.
I can live without it but it's not that easy.

I have no way to talk to most of my friends without the Internet.

So now that I FINALLY have it back I'm relieved.
Except my mother wanted to get Cavalier but they don't have DSL around where I live so we had to get dial-up.
I bet your saying, "Oh, that's not that bad, at least you get it back."
It is that bad.
It takes 20 minutes just to connect you.
It's impossible to watch videos of any sort.
The pages load slower than your grandmother can run.

But, I guess this could be helpful after all.
Since I'm trying to reinvent myself I want to be more patient.
And I guess waiting for pages to load and your Internet to connect is as good a practice as any.

Call me a name;

I feel like much more of a dork then usual.

Today I saw the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince teaser trailer and I got all excited.
I feel giddery then a two year old who has a lollipop.
It was the best 23 seconds of my life.
=]

I'm a dork and I know it.

But recently the flames are getting out of control;

That's it.
I've decided to reinvent myself.

No more crying and getting upset over stupid things.
No more being insecure all the time.
No more restictions.

I'm not going to let myself hold me back anymore.
No more masks.
No more hiding.

I want to be calm and go with the flow.

I'm going to start by eating better and losing 10 pounds.

I hope it works out.

I've never lit a match with intent to start a fire;

Today my mother went on a tyrant rampage.
She came home and she started yelling about the mail just assuming that no one checked it because we were supposed to get Internet today.
There was some disc that was supposed to come in the mail.
But it didn't.

Then we were trying to hook it up and Jen was being all blah and having an attitude about it, even though she is the only one who even knows remotely how that stuff works.
My mother asked me to help by pushing this wire up through this hole in the back of out computer thing to see what it was connected to and I was trying but it was really far back there.
So my wonderful mother started making fun of me started making fun of me and telling me to hurry up but I couldn't because my arm wouldn't reach that far so she decided to yell at me.
She was all like "well I'll just do it myself like everything else around here" when she doesn't even do that much.
I do the most work around my house.
So she told Jen to hold the phone and listen for when someone picked up and Jen sighed and that just set her off and she started throwing things and yelling mainly at me for no apparent reason.
She told us we had to clean the living room dining room and our rooms and she was just going on and on about how I was lazy and how I always had an attitude when it wasn't even me.
I was crying most of the time while this was going on, and I was so mad, or upset or something but I was shaking with it whatever it was.

I was using all the effort in my body not to break down in front of her and not to yell and scream at her because I knew it would make the whole situation worse.
She was just putting words in my mouth and making me feel like shit until she left and didn't tell us where she was going.
As soon as her car pulled away I broke into hysterics until I threw up 3 times from crying and my dad came and got me.

He hasn't been sober for days;

So, I haven't had Internet for almost two weeks.
I finally got on today because I went to my dad's house.
Hopefully we will get it at home again soon though.
I doubt it though because my mother is acting crazy as usual.

I've never made a bet, but we gamble with desire;

I was wondering, why does not sleeping affect different people in different ways.

Some people get grumpy.
Some people get upset.
Some people get hyperactive.
Some people can't even stay up that long.

When I don't sleep for days on end, I get fidgety and jump at a lot of things.
Loud noises, soft noises, people touching me.
I really need to get more sleep.

If I don't soon then school will be horrible.
I mean I'll probably be up in time for school.
But when I get home I'll just crash which means no homework for me.
Then I'll be fidgeting in my seat.
Screaming and jumping when a teacher calls my name suddenly.

But I miss school.
As much as I love staying home and reading all day, I miss company.
And most of my friends have stopped talking to me.
It's going to awkward going back.

Nouns and verbs like shallow heartache;

Saturday my dad picked me and my sisters up so we could go to our Grandma's because she was having a crab feast.

It was fun.
I hadn't eaten anything in almost a day and a half so I ate like a starving person.
And of course I cut my finger and got seasoning in it which burned.
Then I helped clean up while everyone else was still eating so apparently I wasn't that hungry.

I was happy because I actually talked to my cousins for the first time in years without it being strained and awkward.
My grandfather taught me an awesome card trick.
And I met my cousins boyfriend.
Horrible, horrible, horrible.

Not her boyfriend, the situation.
Her boyfriend is perfect in every way.
In fact he is everything I'd ever want in a boyfriend.
Nice, smart, adorable, caring.
He opened the door for me and pulled out my chair while I sat in it.
Who said chivalry is dead?
I just felt it click.

I mean is it really that bad to like you're cousins 20 year old college student boyfriend?

You know if it wasn't for the fact he was 20 and was dating my cousin, I think I might have had a chance.
But, why?
Why do I always want the people I can't have the most?

Hold still, it will be over soon;

The other day I hung out with Robbie, Everett and John.
I found out what it feels like to get shot with a BB gun.
Not very fun.

It was odd because when they shot me in the bum it didn't hurt like at all, but then when Everett accidentally shot me where you're knee connects to you thigh I thought I was going to cry.

I got my butt kicked at guitar hero.
Then I got chocolate milk, painted Robbie's nails, made Robbie paint my nails and went home.

I've never told a lie, and that makes me a liar;

Last night/this morning was the most fun time I have ha with my mother in a long time.
It all started as a harmless trip to IHOP, and ended up with a midnight rendezvous at a Pennsylvania Wal-Mart.

So here it goes.
My mother came home from work and decided she wanted to go to IHOP and see what kind of food there.
I thought for the longest time that they only had pancakes there, but I mean it is called the International House of PANCAKES.
So we went there and ate and my mother said that we need to stop at Wal-Mart because we need a new toilet paper holder for the bathroom.
So we went to the one right up the street from our house.
We got the toilet paper holder and then me mom started looking at the clothes.
She saw this purple shirt and pants thing and she wanted one but they didn't have her size.
We paid for our stuff and went to the other Wal-Mart Super center that's further away.
And they didn't have her size either.
So this went on for 2 more Wal-Marts, until we had to drop Tuesday off at the house because she wouldn't stop complaining.
Then we went right back on our way to 2 more Wal-Marts, which were both unsuccessful.

So my mom decided she really wanted that outfit.
We drove home and she told Jen to look up 24 hour Wal-Marts in Pennsylvania because it was about 9:30 when we got home.
So we found one and we set off.
And while we were driving my mom realized that she forgot her tea so we didn't have anything to drink for the hour and 27 minute car ride.
Well, we got off the beltway and followed the directions, but that's when things got messy.
First of all let me just say that it is DARK on the Pennsylvanian roads at 10 p.m.
Then we got to a roundabout where we went the wrong way twice and once ended up in the Lucas' family yard.
So I kept accidentally mis-reading the street signs.
Then the directions lied and told us to turn right when we were supposed to turn left.
So we got there in one piece and went into the Wal-Mart.

Everything was much neater in there.
But we found the thing she was looking for and left with some beverages too.
Then we had a really hard time trying to figure out where we were supposed to be going .
You'd think it would be easy because all we would have to do is reverse the directions, but it isn't easy at all.
We got out of the parking lot OK, but when it was time to make the first turn we went the wrong way.
So we tried going in a gas station parking lot to turn around, but that was a mistake.
First we couldn't find a way to get out and then we did there was a sign saying that you couldn't turn out the way we needed to, so we had to find a different way out.
So we were driving around the parking lot laughing our heads off and I'm sure the gas station owner thought we were on major drug.
We finally got out and went the right way.

We started driving down those dark roads and somehow we got really lost and it was to dark to read the street signs and my mom almost hit a car.
So we drove around until we finally found someone else to ask directions from.
And we did thankfully.
We went on our merry way.

While we were driving my mom starts talking about how if we hit a deer we would be screwed because it would total our car, so I tried to make her slow down because it was really dark and there was a deer watch sign and we didn't know the roads.
And we started going up and down hills like a roller coaster and my mom was going fast and then I saw a deer and screamed really loudly for really no reason.

The worst part of the whole trip, was the smell.
On the way there we had to smell horse manure for half of the trip and I had a really empty stomach so it made it really upset.
On the way back I knew we were going to have to smell it again but what I wasn't expecting was to have to deal with skunk smell.
It smelled horrible and apparently humans can smell a skunk up to 100 feet away or something like that.
And the smell stayed in the car for basically the whole long journey home.
It was a fun night and I hope we go on more family road trips (without Tuesday).

She had the eyes of an angel with a heart like a traitor;

So here we are coming up on 3 days without any sleep at all.
It's very odd.
I feel tired but whenever I try to go to sleep, I can't.
No matter how tired I am.
Hopefully soon I will just pass out and everything will go back to normal.

Also, my eating habits have taken a turn for the worst.
I feel perpetually hungry, but when I look at food it makes me feel sick.

I really need to find out why I am acting so strange lately.
I can't even figure myself out.

It breaks my heart;

Recently I have become accostumed to Facebook.
I used to hate it but now it's actually quite entertaining.

I wonder what made my mind change.
Maybe it was the Harry Potter trivia?
I dunno what it was but I'm on it like 24-7 now.

I hear in my mind all of these voices;

Oh my Ryan Reynolds.
I am tired as shiiiiiiii...
Ahahaha, you thought I was going to curse.
Anyway.
I'm tired.
I haven't slept all night.
I was listening to music but halfway through that my speakers stopped working.


And I found something more addicting then blogging.
It called glogging.
It's like a virtually sketch-pad.
It's amazing.
You have to try it.
http://www.blogger.com/www.glogster.com

You sold yourself to make it;

So me and Megan have this list of things we have to do before we die.

This is what we have so far:
-Climb all the steps on the Eiffel Tower
-Meet J.K. Rowling
-Meet Dane Cook
-Go to Alaska and spend the 30 days of night there
-Read the entire dictionary
-Visit all 50 states

Any suggestions?

Be patient, I'm just so sensitive;

You know, suddenly my mother became crazy and decided she was going to interrogate me every second of the day.

Today Jen went to go meet someone and every second she kept asking me all these questions.
Who is she with?
Where is she going?
What is she doing?
Like I even know.
Then when she found out she was with Dustin she asked even more questions.
Who is he?
What grade is he in?
Are they dating?
Does he do drugs?
Then Jen took a shower when she came home and more questions!
Why is she taking a shower?
Why is she so tired?
Like even know what she does in her free time!

Then I wanted to go upstairs to get a book......
Where are you going?
What are you getting?
What are you doing?

I can't even go upstairs in my own house with out being bombarded by questions!!!!!

I'll just keep saying what you want to hear;

So I know I haven't posted in like a month but that's because nothing really interesting has been happening to me lately.
I've been sitting in my house reading, doing word searches or Harry Potter trivia all day long.
And no on from school even talks to me anymore with the exception of Megan.
But from now on I'm going to try and post more, mostly because of Megan.

So let me sum up my life in the 10 days (is that all, it seems like so much more time had passed.) I haven't posted anything.
Here it goes (in no particular order)
-Went to Megan's and had a fun night of laughter and whatnot.
-Flaked out on Mike.
-Wore a dress
-Had trouble staying asleep for more then 30 minutes at a time
-Flaked out on Mike AGAIN!
-Lost touch with with too many people
-Went to my dad's
-Flaked out on Sienna
-Sat around my house and gained at least 5 pounds

Told you it wasn't interesting.